Cultivating Sisterhood: Top 5 Tips For Better Friendships
Cultivating Sisterhood: Top 5 Tips For Better Friendships
Sitting in my
regular coffee shop, next to two new friends, I’m reminded of old faces,
of seasons past, that begin to surface in the forefront of my memory.
If you’d asked me seven months ago to recall those faces, a barrage of
questions would have flooded my train of thought: “Could I have been
a better friend?”, “What if I had agreed with her dating that girl?”,
“What if I had called more?”, or “Maybe I wasn’t good enough to be her
friend?”
It’s still an
ongoing process to rid myself of guilt, over lost and abandoned
friendships. However, when I acknowledged that I can’t look to myself
for guidance, or strength, the guilt began to diminish and the sorrow
subsides. The Holy Spirit takes over when I allow the pain of what was
lost, to be set before the feet of Our Savior.
July of 2015, I
discovered a Sisterhood of women. A sisterhood like I’d never
experienced before. These women loved each other - like, really loved
each other. They held each other up, they cried together, spoke life and
truth to one another, laughed together... something was different about
them. Upon further investigation and observation, I discovered the
trick to their bonded friendships: Jesus. These women were so sold out
for Jesus that they couldn’t help but pour out love onto one another.
How had I missed this?!
Do you struggle
with finding, and keeping, lasting friendships with other women? Do you
ever wonder why your friends always seem to distant or why you aren’t
as close to them as you’d like to be? I once asked myself some of these
same questions. It wasn’t until I accepted that the responsibility was
mine. I was responsible for loving my friends like Jesus. I could
control my friendships by leaning into Jesus and harnessing His
strength.
So, if you’re
ready to put in the work, to gain stronger, purposefully,
Christ-centered friendships with your sisters then I challenge you to
take this five tips and put them into practice this week!
1. THE MISTER BEFORE THE SISTER
Your sisterhood
of fellow Christian women will never be as strong as you want if you
are not rooted in Christ. It’s a very simple truth and yet it’s so
difficult to learn, especially when you’re lonely! Right? I know, I’ve
been there. For so long I sought after relationships and neglected the
ONE relationship that mattered the most. It seemed easier at the time.
People are earthly, we can see them, call them, text them, hug them...
However, James 4:8 tell us to, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near
to you.” Jesus knows what it’s like to be lonely and have friends
abandon you - cue Judas. People will always fail us but Jesus Christ
never will.
TAKE ACTION: Spend
quality time with Him, every day. If you aren’t sure how, pick up a
devotional like, The Struggle Is Real, to help get you started!
2. SHOW UP
Seems simple
enough but you may be surprised to know this is the area a majority of
us struggle. We live in the millennial age of instant gratification and
non-committal relationships to cell phones, events and human beings,
alike - cue Tinder. Here’s where I advise you to ‘do as your momma
taught you’ and extend the same kindness to others, that you wish to
receive. And you may be thinking, “yea, but no one ever shows up for me.
No thanks.” And again, I tell you that I understand because I’ve been
there, too. It’s hard showing up (literally) for others on the reg only
to receive little to nothing in return. But in chapter 6 of Luke, we’re
told: And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (6:31).
So I want to encourage you to be Christ to your sisters. Show them what
sisterhood LOOKS like.
TAKE ACTION: I
challenge you to show up for someone this week. Don’t cancel because
you’re tired, show up. Instead of saying you should “totally hang
sometime” schedule the hang-sesh right then and there! If you see a
sister has posted something sad, exciting, curious, whatever - instead
of ‘liking’ and continuing to scroll - call her! Really make an effort
to show up in her life this week.
3. THE GIVER
In the book of
Romans, the Apostle Paul writes that we are to “Love one another with
{sisterly} affection. Out do one another in showing honor” (12:10). As
we show our honor to God through our words and actions, so should we
honor our sisters in the same manner. Think about ways that you can give
back to a sister who may be lonely, tired, new, experiencing heartache,
or the unsung hero of everyday menial tasks around the office.
TAKE ACTION: This
week, I also challenge you to do ONE thing for a special friend, a new
woman at church, the lady in the cubicle next to you or the new neighbor
down the street. Send warm cookies to her at the office or home, write a
text message or handwritten note filled with truths and kind words
about her, offer to workout together after work or to take care of the
kids while she treats herself to a trip to Target... ALONE! Or, meet-up
at your favorite spot for a 20 minute catch-up sesh. So something to
speak or show her that she matters to you!
4. SPEAK IN LOVE
You’ve probably
heard it as many (countless) times as I have: “Oh my goodness, can you
believe what she ___?!”. When did it become acceptable to speak poorly
about each other? To make fun of her outfit, makeup, hips, thighs...
anything. Ephesians 4:29-30 tell us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of
your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the
occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of
redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and
slander be put away from you, along with all malice. be kind to one
another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave
you.” If you’ve already made the choice to subscribe to #1 on this list
then this should be easy for you to adapt to your life, as well. What we
put into our minds and bodies shows outwardly. So, if you are putting
Christ first in your life, then Christ will show up first in your words.
TAKE ACTION: Pick
one special person to speak in love to each day this week. This person
can be your current best friend, someone you’ve recently met, a
coworker, a family member, someone from church or your barista. Shower
her in compliments and remind her that she is loved by a gracious
Father!
5. TELL THE TRUTH
Some of the
greatest, personal, trials that I’ve experienced within relationships
with other women directly related to the words spoken to each other. The
tongue is our strongest weapon and the easiest way for the enemy to
turn us against each other. Instead, as believers, we are to called to
put on compassionate hearts. Colossians 3:12-14 tell us: “Put on then,
as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness,
humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one
has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has
forgive you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love,
which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” So, instead of
jumping to conclusions, spreading rumors, talking behind her back or
snapping back with a vicious text rant - let us grow in patience with
one another by showing love and compassion in our exchanges.
TAKE ACTION: Is
there a sister in your life that you need to talk to about something
difficult? Perhaps it’s been awhile since you’ve spoken or seen one
another. I don’t promise the upcoming exchange will be easy but if you
approach her with love, patience and kindness you may be surprised at
the response you receive. Make every effort within your power to
reconcile relationships!
Sisters, it’s
my prayer that you feel encouraged to press on toward fullness in Christ
and seek out Godly relationships. Godly relationships where you will
find refinement, love, grace and support.
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